April 19, 2008, Lane County, Oregon held it’s first of many "Lane County Oregon Criminal Run". This event, sponsored by the Lane County Commissioners, is used to raise awareness about public safety. Faye Stewart and Bobby Green wanted a way to highlight their tireless efforts to de-fund the Lane County Sheriffs department and Lane County jail. They decided that since Eugene is known as "Track Town" what better way to promote their agenda then to have meth addicts with needle tracks in their arms run for their freedom. Bobby Green is running for re-election for a seat on the Lane County Oregon Board of Commissioners, therefore he was chosen to start the race. Instead of firing a starters pistol, he fired a deputy and shouted, "Be green vote B. Green".

Announcing the results of the Lane County Oregon Jail "Run for the Noses". As expected when they opened the jail doors to let out criminals the meth team took an early lead. The meth-heads were closely followed by the car thieves, who quickly stole some more cars and disappeared into the vast wasteland that is Lane County Oregon. The pot-heads were lackadaisical as expected, and in hopes of getting a sugar high mingled with the truffle run crowd that was practicing at Autzen stadium. It was rumored that they were going to enter the Olympic Running Trials but were scared by the word "trials". Unnoticed in the criminal run were the "Friends of the Foundation", always a strong competitor and large silent majority. The "Friends of the Foundation" stated that they wouldn’t be in the upcoming Olympic Running Trials because "the whole world is watching". Near the end of the Lane County Oregon Criminal Run, the meth team stopped short of the finish line at Mt. Pissca aluminum highway road signs as they crossed I-5. The pot-heads were still encamped at the Williams Bakery munching on week old Moon Pies. No one saw it coming, but the "Friends of the Foundation" walked away with first place and were given a grant to help more of their friends get set free in the next "Lane County Criminal Run" scheduled for sometime in May.

E-mail Bobby Green or Faye Stewart at Faye.Stewart@co.lane.or.us , Bobby.Green@ co.lane.or.us for the exact date that they plan on releasing known criminals into your community

THINGS TO DO WITH THE EMPTY JAIL

Rent the rooms to foreign visitors that come to see the Olympic track trials. It will make them feel safer while being in the car theft capital of Oregon, Eugene.

Use the cells as rented storage spaces.

Turn it into a "Bed and Breakfast"

Turn it into a diet spa and weight room.

Have the next "Bohemian Festival" at the jail.

Move county offices into the cells.

Trade it to Arlie and Co for a tree.

Turn it into a hospital.

Flood it and call it a wetland.

Turn it into a retirement home for Lane County, Oregon politicians.

Build a $4,000,000.00 (Four Million dollar) road over it.

Turn it into a "not for profit" ran by family and friends of Faye Stewart.

Turn it into Re-elect Bobby Green Headquarters.

Turn it into the next animal shelter. How much would they have to spend to improve the jail to bring it up to animal shelter standards?

Rent it to local Meth heads as a drug house.

Turn it into a rest stop for the ubiquitous Eugene "Walk For’s".

Plant truffles in the cells.

Turn it into a winery.

Do something sustainable with it.

Sequester Carbon Dioxide in it,

Use the revolving door that they let the criminals out of as a energy generation device.

Paint it green.

Hold the democratic convention there.

Have the "Betty Snowden" show there.

Turn it into the downtown bus stop.

Call it ART!!

Donate it to someone.

Say it is built on an ancient Indian gravesite and preserve it.

Make the movie "The Lane County Syndrome" there.

Hold Lane County Board of Commissioner meetings there.

Turn it into a mini mall.

Save whales in it.

Have HGTV film "flip this jail" there.

Give it to Oprah.

Recycle it into a new St. Vincent De Pauls thrift store.

Put all the hokey used car sales people in it.

Have a fairy tea party there.

Rename it the "Springfield Jail" and make them run it.

List it with CVALCO as a tourist destination.

Say it is endangered and get a grant to preserve it.

Raise awareness about it.

Call it a city park.

Let the healing begin and just move on.

Make it a prize in the lottery.

Call it an Old Growth Forest and set it on fire.

Move in spotted owls.

Make it part of the U of O campus.

Just say no.

Say it caused global warming and throw organic tomatoes at it.

Make it part of an annual tradition.

Move the fair grounds into it.

Or possibly use it as a place to hold criminals.

Plot for lex luthor / superman story.

Lex sets up an organization that will go into the maximum-security prison where they house the meanest roughest criminals. They will then set up a brainwashing program to modify their behavior. Or are they trying a Manchurian project type experiment. If these ex-cons are then relocated to a controlled area where Lex Luthor controls the Law enforcement, the prisoners will appear to "not be engaging in criminal activity", because they aren’t being prosecuted. This is just a plot…. For a TV series. I did see the first part on channel 9 ABC Good Morning America Saturday, April 26 2008, but there are no areas where a member of Lex’s group has systematically disbanded the independent law enforcement arm of government. Remember this is the humor post. It’s not like out of state motorcycle gangs are moving into Creswel, Oregon just up the road from Faye Stewart.’s hometown of Cottage Grove, Oregon. They are probably just arriving early for the Olympic Track Trials in Eugene, Oregon. Hay it’s not like "The Whole World is Watching".

Be green not silver.

Thanks to Wal-Mart, we are able to help China get rid of toxic mercury in the form of ironically marketed "Green energy saving compact florescent light bulbs" the squiggly ones. Breaking one in your house is easy to do because they are designed to force you to grab the glass part to install and remove. Breaking one in your house is like feeding your children mercury filled thermometers. The U.S. banned those years ago. So help Wal-Mart make more millions, support child slavery and put toxic heavy metals in your home air supply.

Pander Bare

Are local newscasters and the owners of their respective stations guilty of promoting child pornography by telling people which magazine to buy to see a topless picture of Hanna Montana / Miley Cyrus, a 15 year old girl, and will Al Peterson show a copy on the morning show.

Saw a re-elect little Bobby spot, he was saying, "now is the time to address the budget funding problem."

Isn’t little Bobby ironic? He was intimately involved in not addressing the funding problem for years, now he wants to be re-elected to address (not solve) the problem he created. Mow down the Green. Green isn’t good on bread. When things turn Green, throw it out.